Internal versus External Boundaries
Why do I still feel bad after doing the right thing?
External Boundaries
External boundaries are the boundaries you hear about most frequently. Like how to tell people no, or how to let people know how to treat you.
Internal Boundaries
Internal boundaries are the boundaries you don’t hear about. Internal boundaries are the boundaries within yourself. Internal boundaries are the topics and situations you think about.
External Boundaries without Internal Boundaries = No Improvement
Your brain does some really wonderful things, like making you breathe without thinking about it, pretty cool. But it does one thing really poorly, differentiating between what you imagine and what is really happening. Which means if you say no to your boss IRL, but you worry about saying no in your head, you will still feel miserable whether or not you actually tell your boss no.
Types of Internal Boundaries
Examples of internal boundaries could be:
Not rethinking about a decision you have already made-instead make a decision tree for future decisions
Not replaying a situation over and over-instead practice how you want to handle it in the future
Not wondering what people are thinking-instead develop a plan to gather this information more directly (ie ask them)
Obviously the above list is easier said than done and we sometimes need some help to put the brakes on our thoughts.
Brain Brakes for Internal Boundaries
Focus on a different more interesting topic
Use something sensory (cold water, weighted blanked, loud music, etc.)
Try physical movement (push into a wall, butterfly hug, tapping)
Breathing exercises (I like breathe in for 5 seconds, hold for 2 seconds, and exhale for 10 seconds- 3 rounds)
