Little "b" Boundaries
Not all boundaries have to be big and bold, little "b" boundaries are just as important.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines or limits that we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They help us communicate our needs and expectations to others, and establish what is acceptable or not acceptable in our relationships and interactions with others.
What are Big "Boundaries?
Big "B" Boundaries are boundaries that require communication to the person that you are setting the boundary with and typically include an explanation of consequences if the boundary is not followed. Ie: someone's addiction most likely needs a big "B" boundary.
What are Little "b" Boundaries?
Little "b" boundaries are boundaries that don't necessarily need to be communicated to the person you are setting the boundary with. Often, little "b" boundaries are generalized to all relationships. They typically do not include a consequence explanation because the consequence is logical. Ie: No texting after 8pm, no one needs to be informed of this ahead of time (unless safety-my family knows my DND turns on at 7pm), you don't apologize for the boundary when you respond and the consequence is that you respond to the text the next time you can. Little "b" boundaries are about your behavior not the other person's. Ie: you don't tell people not to text you after 8pm (that would be a big "B" boundary), instead you turn on DND at 8pm.
Why both, why can't you just use one or the other?
Big "B" boundaries require a lot of forethought, energy, and exploration in addition to the communication, clarification, and follow through that may be required. While little "b" boundaries require forethought, energy, and exploration, they typically save energy in the long run. Using big “B” all the time particularly in healthy relationships will drain your energy and may make the other person feel like they aren’t doing anything right. Typically, I encourage people to use big “B” in unhealthy relationships and little “b”in healthy relationships. Another way to look at it is to use big “B” boundaries on relationship deal breakers and little “b” boundaries on preferences.
Conclusion
Of course, use whichever boundary type makes you the most comfortable, after all, only you know your life and only you will experience the results. Hopefully, this guide will help you make an informed decision going forward to find peace and balance in yourself and your relationships.
